Above is a video I made called "Fat Strong Lady." I made it to combat the bombardment of fat hatred, sizeism and bigotry in our culture. I used those three words as the title, because you rarely see those words used together.
I've been lifting for a few years. Here is a video of me at my first weightlifting competition, for those who would like more than photos of me clean and jerking 50 kilograms (102 lbs.) over my head, and here is a video of me snatching 36 kilograms (79.2 lbs.).
In this whole exercise/weightlifting odyssey I have been on, I have really let go of obsessing over the number on the scale. The only number I am focusing on is the weight on the bar. Muscle is much more dense than fat, so already, the scale is not necessarily telling you what you think it is.
I've lived the majority of my life hating my body. It started when I was in the 2nd grade, when someone called me fat on the playground. All of a sudden, it didn't mean anything that I could always catch someone when we played tag, or that I was tetherball champion. All of a sudden I saw myself as fat and it all went downhill from there.
I have a photo in which I am 16 years old and it captures the worst of my body-hatred time. Ironically, at the height of my body-hatred, I weighed the least I have ever weighed in my teenage/adult life (150 lbs.). This is after a summer of crash dieting in which I lost 50 pounds in 3 months. I was hungry and cold, all the time - and I was still unhappy and miserable. I had people coming up to me in school and saying, "Good job, but you aren't going to stop there are you? You should lose at least another 30 pounds." They said this because, even at my most anorexic self, I still had a big butt and big thighs - that's how my body is built. I now am grateful for that butt and those thighs, because they help me lift big weights!
I have a lot more love and respect for my body now. I still struggle with self-hatred - on a daily basis sometimes, but turning 36 years old this week has reminded me that time is short and there is no reason not to love myself right now for who I am.
I know that the scale is God for so many people, and let me tell you, it feels so good to cast down that false idol.
So I raise my glass in a toast to all the big ladies out there, getting out into the world and doing their thing, no matter what anyone has to say about it.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT - LOVE YOURSELF.
And for those who are interested in reading fat-positive blogs (there are so many out there!), here is a (very short) list to get you started on your fat positive journey:
Big Fat Deal
Fatly Yours
The Rotund
The F Word
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