Surviving Year Two: Week 41

The Flowering

This is Week 41 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here.

It's been a week since my amazing Healing Grief - Flowering Ritual. I have since returned to my "regular life." As Jack Kornfield says, "after the ecstasy, the laundry." The work now is to integrate the transformation and healing from my ritual into my day-to-day being. I suppose that just happens  — I don't have to necessarily "do" anything, but I do want to stay aware and connected to the powerful feelings I felt during my ritual.

It's very jarring to return to my work life, which takes so much of my brain power and physical energy. I am grateful that one of my co-workers was also at my ritual. After a department meeting, I returned to my cubicle to find rose petals strewn around my office! It was a wonderful, sweet reminder that the ritual is still working and I'm so grateful for this sweet moment, orchestrated by my ritual cohort and cubicle colleague, Kim!

Sacred Bedroom Blessing

This weekend I plan to lay low, make some art, sleep and let my body and soul rest a bit. I have been gestating and planning this ritual since March, and it is really dazzling to see my thoughts, drawings and ideas come alive and be something even better than I could have ever imagined. It's so empowering to plan something like this and let it bloom. I really do feel like I am flowering.

I'm so grateful, not just to the seven amazing humans who showed up to circle me in ritual and love, but for the many other helpers, who crafted with me, mixed up essential oils, talked to me late into the night as I whispered my fears and hopes, and thought good thoughts for me on the day of. I'm so grateful.

There are only eleven more weeks in this project — eleven more posts and the 2 Year Anniversary of my husband's death will arrive. "What comes next?" seems to always be a question at the back of my mind. Even the day after my amazing ritual, there was a little taskmaster voice that said, "Okay. That's done. What are you going to work on now?" I want to give myself a break. I want to breathe into the accomplishments I have already achieved. I want to rest.

Thanks for witnessing me. See you next week.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 58

A found love letter

This is Day 58 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

As I have been going through boxes and sorting, I am constantly finding love letters I wrote to my husband. Every time one appears, it is like a warm stab through my heart - I love re-reading them and remembering the warmth of our blossoming love, but it also hurts like an ice pick through my heart, to realize all of that is over now. As I went through and cleaned up his altars, I found a lot of these letters, because he seems to have kept every single one I wrote to him. When I find them, it's often too painful to read them, so I just stick them on his altars. I still don't know what to do with them, but today's image is one of those notes. This one I pinned it to the wall, along with his other photos.

Today's image feels extra vulnerable. I guess because these are words that were only ever meant for his eyes. It feels strange to share my goofy, first love blatherings with strangers. But that's what I am being called to do today, and part of this project is being vulnerable.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Widowed Village
• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 57

One of several altars in the house for my late husband.

This is Day 57 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

After my husband passed away, I was sent and given so many things - cards, handmade gifts, talismans, artifacts. Since the items were so precious to me, I would place them all on the many altars in my house, but soon because I was so overwhelmed and so busy, these altars became dusty piles of stuff with tipping piles and scattered memories. Seeing my altars fall into disarray made me feel terrible, but the thought of sitting down and re-visiting so many precious, but painful memories felt like too much to bear.

With the help of my friend Johanna, I got a lot of other to-do's off my plate and after she returned to New York, I felt I was finally able to sit down and face these altars. I sifted and sorted and cried. I honored each item, as I cleaned it up. Through this process, I came to the realization that it was okay to pack the majority of these precious items up in a box and put them away for awhile. I felt the deep need for clean, simple altars, that really honor each item placed upon it. I realized that this actually makes the items more precious and seen. I have the intention of swapping things out over time, so I can take the time to really appreciate and honor each item and let it have it's sacred time on the altar. Today's Grief image is from a smaller altar I have created. It's on a little table that my husband scavenged for us.

Current photo on my altar - Our Wedding Day, May 2005

This newly cleaned up altar features a leather cuff my husband made for a Viking costume. I have placed a deer antler inside it. Both these items are missing their mates, just like me, and that lone antler has featured in a few of my Grief Images, so it's become quite powerful to me. There is a handmade Viking Cupcake that someone left at the memorial, which I adore. There is a photo taken at our wedding, just when I placed his wedding ring on his finger and everyone cheered for us. There is the brush he used to groom his beautiful beard.

There is also a gold dish that holds his glasses. The eyeglasses of the dead are so powerful. They really hold a lot of energy, because they were worn every single day. As Tammy Faye Baker says in the fantastic film The Eyes of Tammy Faye, "I think the eyes are so important... I think you can look in someone's eyes and really tell what kind of a person - what their heart is. And so when my precious friends die, I always ask if I could please have their glasses. When my mom died, I got my mama's glasses, and they're very, very precious to me. I like to put them on sometimes and think, you know, Mama looked through these."

On the wall above is a print he made in college, with a poem he wrote. I remember reading this poem the first night I spent the night at his house, and it was a very powerful moment for me, because I realized I was falling in love with this man. The way he processed and thought about the world took my breath away. I knew I wanted this unique, wild, sexy Bear of a man in my life. Reading this poem now that he has passed away, has a whole new meaning to me. It breaks my heart and yet still fills me with love for him. If time is circular and not linear, then perhaps there is some part of me that read that poem for the first time and new that it would be a loving thread through our lives together, all the way through to his death.

Here is the poem in it's entirety:

Where did my life go?
by justinbill
Have you seen my child?
Dancing in a church with iron gates and a crushed sandwich in his back pocket.
Limited horizons are taught by screens of color that sparkle.
How dare you go where I told you not my child.
A church is not a place to play
I asked God and He said it was OK.
How am I supposed to get the jam stain out of your Pants?
I'm sorry mommy.
I was talking to God.
what did He say?
I told you not to talk to strangers.
God told me a lot of things, I am sure He will tell you if you ask.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 37

Stewed

This is Day 37 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

My husband was a Giant Bear Powerlifter, who needed lots and lots of food to fuel his big, strong body. Living with him for 12 years, meant that I learned how to cook giant quantities of food. There were also rarely leftovers in our house and our monthly grocery bill was astronomical, since we both had pretty severe food allergies that required us to shop at the more expensive grocery stores.

Since he's been gone, I seem to be having a very difficult time cooking for one person. I have volumes of leftovers, which means I end up eating stews for three or four days straight. Since I am allergic to most plastics, my refrigerator has become a wonderland of glass mason jars filled with all sorts of leftover food. 

It's so lonely to cook for one. Those mason jars make me kind of sad, but they are also really beautiful, which is why I photographed one on my little kitchen altar, above the sink. I'm also starting a full-time job soon, and I'm sure I'll be grateful for all those leftovers, since they can be taken as lunches.

PLEASE NOTE: I'm about to leave on a trip to Big Sur, and the Internet there is spotty at best, so you may not see any posts from me for about a week. If this happens, please know that I'm okay and will be back soon. The stickler for perfection in me is very disturbed that I won't be able to make a daily post and I may still find a way to do it, but if I do not, at least you know why. I will of course, still be making an image a day, as part of this practice.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and (hopefully) see you tomorrow.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 31

7 Months Gone

This is Day 31 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today marks the 7 month anniversary of my husband's sudden passing. These month-marks seem to hit me really hard - each one a reminder of how much further he is gone. I'm so scared I will forget what he feels like, holding me in his arms. I'm so scared I will forget what his kisses felt like. I don't want to forget any of the details of our time together, good and bad.

I need to make sure that the next month anniversary, I am with someone and not alone. I think I want to be tough and strong and get through it on my own, but it's clear that these anniversaries really shred my heart apart and make me feel truly and utterly alone. I want to give myself permission to ask for help through these hard days.

I feel really embarrassed and freaked out by today's picture. I've posted lots of different versions of my grief, but not one where I am mid-sobbing. I cry every day, often in front of other people, but documenting my tears for the Internet world to see feels extremely vulnerable. But this is a very real part of my life and grief and it needs to be documented in this project. The altar in the back are big wooden pieces left over from my husband's memorial, which now stand against the wall on his side of the bed.

A lot of widows have been reaching out to me, here on the blog, as well as on Facebook and Twitter and I wanted to say here how grateful I am to know you are all witnessing my journey and your willingness to share stories of your own grief. It helps me so much, and I am glad that my project is helping some of you too. We are a powerful tribe.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 17

Pogonophile in Mourning

This is Day 17 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

About 6 months before my husband died, I noticed that he was no longer wearing his wedding ring. When I asked him where it was, he said he had "temporarily misplaced it." In other words, he had lost it and had no idea where it was. I mourned this loss, because the ring was (of course) very special. When we were first engaged, we went to see Amma and when she heard of our impending union, she told us to daily say to each other, not "I love you," but "We are love." We had that sentence engraved on the inside of his ring.

After my husband died, I had to sell his vehicles rather quickly. Some wonderfully generous friends offered to clean out and detail both his work van and his car and they did an amazingly thorough job. When I was signing over his work van to the new owner, I dropped my pen on the floor of the van and when I reached under the seat to get it, what did I find, but his wedding ring! Not only did my very meticulous friends not find the ring, but it turned up, literally at the moment when a stranger was going to drive off in his van, never to be seen again. These are the moments when I feel like my husband has to be at work somehow, in the afterlife.

Ring Found!

Now, everyone who knows me, knows that I have a deep love of bearded men. My husband had a beautiful beard that I adored almost as much as I adored him. When I was sitting with his body, hours after he had passed, a nurse helped me take a clipping of his beard, so that I could always feel his whiskers against my face. So when I found his ring, I removed my own wedding and engagement ring and wrapped them together around his beard clipping. It is now a powerful talisman, holding so much energy from both our bodies. I keep it in an abalone shell one of my dearest friends sent to me, after he passed away. She said it was told sacred objects and there is no object more sacred to me right now.

The first picture in this post shows that talisman, nestled in the abalone shell, sitting beneath an image of the Buddha that an old Spiritual Director of mine gave to me. Next to it is a King chess piece made of wood, that my husband made in middle school wood shop. It is a peaceful, loving place for my eyes to rest and this particular altar is in full view of my bed, so I can look at it in times of the anxiety and fear that grip me during my bouts with grief-induced insomnia.

What are some of your talismans or keepsakes from your beloved ones whom have passed away? What do you keep on the altar to remember them by?

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 15

An Altar to Bear Cake

This is Day 15 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

This is one of the altars I created for my husband. It started the day after he died and I have been building on it ever since. I found one of the shirts he wore to perform as his alter ego "Bear Cake," so I added it. I found his old cub scout sash with his merit badges carefully sewed onto it, so I added that. As the altar builds up, I know that I should clean things up a bit and do some re-organizaing, but I can't seem to bear to do it. I just keep adding and adding and adding to it, so that it is now a big jumble of joys and sorrows and images and objects. When I can, I get fresh flowers, to bring a little life back into the memories. I look at his picture, and see his soft eyes looking back into mine with so much love and I cry with the deep sorrow of missing him with all my being. When will this heartache ease? Will I ever feel loved this deeply by someone again?

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies

• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Winter Solstice

One of my Winter Solstice altars

Today is the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. We've had a very cold, dry winter so far, and my heart and soul yearn for the rain. I am a true Northern California girl - I need wet, moist earth and green, dripping branches to truly feel at home and to truly feel the magic of the season. The cold, bright landscape of this strange winter we're having leaves me feeling lost and confused. It's too bright. It's too cold. My plants are dead from frost and my lips are constantly chapped.

This is a time for nesting and reflection. When I can, I like to have a big bonfire and invite all my friends to gather round it and let go of the old year by burning various ephemera from the past, but this year, I'm going to celebrate a bit more quietly. No bonfire this year, but there will be lots of candles lit throughout the house. This is a night to stop and breathe - to take in the year that is about to exit out the door and dream about what is to come, when the light returns. I want to nestle in my little nest, curl up with my beloved husband and kitty cats, sip hot cider and LET GO. The solstice is a time of wonder, of ritual, of candles lit under shivering stars.

Painting of Antlered One by Susan Seddon Boulet via Turning Point Gallery

It's important to me to re-claim this holiday season from the corporate, industrial world. Thankfully, every season still celebrated, has a Goddess beneath it - you just have to scratch the surface a bit - and my favorite Goddesses of the season are Beiwe, Beiwe-Neia and Rozhanitsa. All could fall under the archetype of the "Antlered Goddess."
 
The Saami, indigenous people of Finland, Sweden and Norway, worship Beiwe, the sun-goddess of fertility and sanity. She travels through the sky in a structure made of reindeer bones with her daughter, Beiwe-Neia, to herald back the greenery on which the reindeer feed. On the winter solstice, her worshipers would sacrifice white female animals and thread the meat on sticks which they bent into rings and tied with bright ribbons. They also cover their doorposts with butter so Beiwe can eat it and begin her journey once again. 

Sami woman reindeer herder, Berit Logje
with cast antler at round-up near Kautokeino. Northern Norway.

In twelfth century Russia, the eastern Slavs worshiped the winter mother goddess, Rozhanitsa, offering bloodless sacrifices like honey, bread and cheese. Bright colored winter embroideries (usually red on white) depicting the antlered goddess and her children were made to honor the Feast of Rozhanitsa in late December. For her feast, small, white-iced cookies shaped like deer were given as presents or good luck tokens.

The antlered woman is really an iconic figure in art and mythology. I'm actually working on my own antlered crown that I hope to complete before the year is complete (wish me luck)!

More reading about the Antlered Goddess:
In Search of the Antlered Goddess of the Ways by Robert Moss

Amanita Muscaria mushroom

I also really love the old stories about the origin of Santa Claus. It's no coincidence that Christmas colors are red and white. Just look at the mushrooms the old shamans used to take, because really, Santa Claus is just a Bear Shaman on mushrooms anyway!

What about music? I plan on making a mix of all my favorite Winter Solstice music (stay tuned!) but until then, I recommend listening to Beautiful Darkness, Celebrating the Winter Solstice, by Jessica Radcliffe, Lisa Ekström & Martin Simpson. It's a quiet, sweet, powerful album and a great companion for nesting through the winter cold.

I am wishing you all a joyous and delightful new year full of light, love and vigor.

Creating Sacred Space

Why do we need sacred space? It’s simple. We need a way (a place, a process) to gently and easily reconnect with the spiritual core of being human, to be touched "where we live" on a regular basis by that divine bit of fire." ~ Kathryn L. Robyn, in Spiritual Housecleaning

One of my altars

Being an independent minister with no "home church" to call my own, I have to get creative with making spaces to serve and practice my ministry of creativity, dreamwork and healing. When I left San Francisco, I reluctantly gave up my very cheap and beautiful shared office space. I needed somewhere to see clients and hold my dream groups, so I decided to use my new home as an office to see clients in.

I was worried about doing this for many reasons. I wanted my space to be private, and opening up my home to lots of different people seemed invasive and overwhelming. And what about the cleaning?! I’m not a dirty person, but I’ve been known to let dishes sit for a couple of days, and sometimes I’m not so quick on the disposal of old cat litter.

On the day when my first client was scheduled to come to the house, my husband and I woke up early and begin the daunting task of making our home “spotless.” I was so afraid I would overlook something and my visitors would walk in, see that missed tumbleweed of cat hair on the floor, and walk right out, horrified.

As the process of cleaning our home began, I was completely shocked to discover that I was actually enjoying myself. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner who was completely on board with the idea of making our home beautiful and clean to welcome in my new clients.

I realized in this process that my husband and I were creating sacred space — the same way volunteers come to their church to oil the old wooden pews, and the same way a Buddhist monk cleans the floor of the temple or shrine. Who says my home is not a sacred space also? It is a sanctuary and place of healing, both for my husband and me, and for my clients.

As I got down into the nooks and crannies of my home, I discovered piles of dust and cat hair I didn’t know were there. Instead of being disgusted or upset by this, I felt grateful that I had discovered this “undiscovered” place in my home, and could now clean this neglected space and make it fresh and new again.

Front porch altar for Valentine's Day

This process of “deep cleaning” reminds me so much of my own spiritual practice, as I walk my path of healing and transformation. I have committed to going deeper and to understanding my shadow places, so that I can see what is “dirtying” up my energy body and find a way to clean it out and transform it into something different and more nurturing.

This thorough housecleaning has now become a ritual for us, as I see clients at least once a week in my home. It’s also a meditative time for me, where I think about my past week and my ministry and what I would like to do in this life. With this work, I am tending to my temple.

In the beginning I had some concern that I wouldn’t get my home back after meeting with clients, but this has not turned out to be the case. The act of cleaning and preparing for them shifts the energy of the house — I move the chairs around and create a new space that is just for when clients come visit, or I put the chairs in a circle for group work. First I create a sacred container; then when the session or group is over, I put the furniture back the way it was, burn a little sage, and I have my home space back.

I also create altars specifically for client sessions. Often I use a statue of the Buddha (being an Interfaith Minister, I feel comfortable with a variety of icons from various faith traditions) who holds a small candle in his lap. Sometimes I have fresh flowers. Sometimes I have crystals that my husband has blessed in his healing work.

I often use flowers from my garden
& old photos in my altars

I create special altars for the groups I facilitate as well. These often include little “gifts” or offerings I have prepared, or a book I would like to read from. I always include my “circle of friends” candleholder, which honors the way we have all come together to support each other. The candle at the center honors the role that Spirit plays in our gathering.

I also have the honor of performing wedding ceremonies; when I meet with couples to prepare and do pre-wedding consultations, I make an altar as well.

This includes two statues that were given to my husband and I when we were preparing for our own wedding. Sometimes I wrap the two statues together with the beaded stole I crafted for my ordination. I always try to include a ripe fruit or vegetable, to honor the growth and nourishment of being in a love partnership.

In the process of cleaning and preparing my sacred space, the whole house also becomes like an altar. I try to pay attention to each object and honor all the objects in my house. Those who have been in my home know that I have A LOT of things! I have many sacred objects, from many different faith traditions. I frequently re-arrange objects and make new altars and spaces. That includes the little statues in the bathroom and on top of the television. It keeps my home alive and the energy moving instead of getting stuck and stagnant. Making and re-making altars is a powerful way to create sacred space. I think Eleanor Coppola, wife of Francis and mother of Sophia, explains the process well in the wonderful book Altars & Icons:

...there’s also something very soothing in just placing objects, shifting their position, or refolding the fabric, making the square a little smaller or a little larger. It satisfies some artistic part of myself.

Re-connecting with our altars helps keep our home/office/space alive and fluid. It is a way to honor visions and ideas in a tangible form.

Altars don’t just have to be for meditation. Janet Carter, from the same book:

Even when I’m not sitting in front of it, my altar is working because these particular objects are activated by my intent. It’s up to me to remember that the altar is here, to sit with it and take it in, not with my mind but with my heart and body. The altar brings these three together.

Seeing my home through my clients’ eyes is a powerful experience. Many of them see it as an oasis. I live on four acres in a home with high ceilings and large windows. Yet I sometimes get stuck in the mundane realities of my home, taking it for granted and overlooking its beauty. My clients remind me every week that I live in a beautiful place that they experience as a healing oasis, a place where they can take a break and step back into the deep waters of their spiritual life.

Yes, there have been times when the dishes didn’t get done before a client arrived. And you know what... they didn’t even notice. Or if they did, it didn’t take away from the work we did together that day.

Tending to my space and keeping it clean and beautiful helps me stay in touch with the greater Spirit. Sacred space can be created anywhere! I often carry “altar kits” in my car, in case I am called to minister to someone out in the world. A simple blanket, a small statue, some wildflowers picked by the side of the road, can come together to make a beautiful space for healing and transformation.

How do you make sacred space?

Books mentioned in this post:

• Altars & Icons: Sacred Spaces in Everyday Life, by Jean McMann  (Chronicle Books, 1998)
• Altars of Power & Grace: Create the Life you Desire, by Robin & Michael Mastro  (Balanced Books, 2004) 
• Beautiful Necessity: The Art & Meaning of Women’s Altars, by Kay Turner  (Thames & Hudson, 1998) 
• Spiritual Housecleaning: Healing the Space within by Beautifying the Space Around You , by Kathryn L. Robyn  (New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2001)