6 Months of Grief Project: Day 20

Widow Paperwork

This is Day 20 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

It is astonishing to me how much bureaucratic paperwork there is to do when one becomes a sudden widow. My husband also was not the most organized of human beings, so my mountain of paperwork has the added struggle and challenges of proving I'm his beneficiary, tracking down everything I need to file his taxes, and filing for bankruptcy. I'm astonished at what I got accomplished in those first few months after he passed away, but the adrenalin that got me through those tasks is completely gone. I have no energy left and the big to-do items that still need to be completed continue to be undone.

A friend of mine gave me a beautiful, hand-woven basket and I keep all my undone widow paperwork in it. I like that this source of pain, worry and fear is being held in such a sacred, circular container. As I held it in my lap for today's photo, it felt somewhat sacred and holy. It was interesting to shift my feelings around this intimidating pile - to hold it in my lap like a child, as I sit amongst all the boxes and crates and chaos of my life.

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.