Monday, April 30, 2007

Past Lives in the New Age

Mongolian Horseman
This past Sunday, my husband and I went to the New Living Expo (formerly the New Age Expo). Normally, I really shy away from events like this because

a) Crowds completely overwhelm me
b) Some of the stuff that is "sold" at these events really pushes the limit for me.

But my husband is thinking about creating a new business and wanted to do some research, and I wanted to connect with someone regarding past life exploration.

I've always been interested in past lives and their affects on this current life.  I often have really vivid dreams that invoke another time and place, and often have an historical piece of information that can be tracked back to actual waking life history.

I have also had some strange experiences, including seeing the film "Platoon" in the movie theater and having to leave in the middle of it to go stand in the lobby because it invoked such a horrible "memory" for me, of being a triage doctor on the front lines and being forced to saw people's legs off to save their lives.  Now mind you, I was 12 years old when that film came out, so it was me and several Vietnam Vets in the lobby, freaking out and trying to hold it together. I remember wanting to go sit with them and talk about the feelings I was having, but I knew that wouldn't be received too well.

Now, you can imagine how many psychics, clairvoyants, auric readers, etc. were present at this event.  My husband and I cruised the whole place, making sure I could make an informed decision. I immediately ruled out the "flashy" psychics (some of them literally had flashing neon signs in their booth!) and focused more on the "feeling" I got when I walked by a booth.  It was interesting to feel how differently each person felt!  Some felt very "aggressive" in the sense that they knew I was tuning into them and they didn't like it(?) and some felt very "empty" like they couldn't handle being in such a big crowd and had totally turned off.

I ended up choosing one of the larger booths that had a whole series of psychics sitting in folding chairs, waiting for clients to sit down. There were only two booths like that - The Aesclepions and the Berkeley Psychic Institute (BPI).  Now I have had bad experiences with both these organizations(!) but the experience with the Aesclepions was minor compared to BPI so I went with the Aesclepions.

A very kind man sat me down in front of a woman, who felt very good, energy-wise. She had me say my full name three times and we were off!

She had some interesting things to say about past lives that are affecting this life. Apparently I have had many past lives, but these certain four were "limiting" my soul in this life.

The first one she told me about was my life as a Mongolian tribesman.  I was part of a tribe, whose focus was horses and for a long time we lived an idyllic, easy life.  But then some invaders came and killed my whole family and destroyed most of my tribe. I escaped and lived as a loner nomad for the rest of my days.

She said that this fear of being attacked has stayed with me very deeply. I spend a lot of my life hiding, and making sure I am safe. Being a young girl in the 70's, my Mom taught me a lot about self-defense and to always be aware of my surroundings.  I was always the girl at the party who knew where all possible emergency exits were.  I am also very protective of my home and my "tribe" - my family.  But then, isn't everyone?

The second life she told me about was my life as a Russian war doctor, in a time before penicillin was invented (there are more wars than I can count that could pertain to this). In this life, I cried out to God that I never, ever wanted to be a doctor in war-time again because I didn't have the right tools and resources to save these young lives.  This may be where my "Platoon" flashbacks were coming from?

She said that I have great gifts as a healer, but I am scared to use them and feel like I did in that Russian life. I do have some gifts in that department and studied shamanic practices of various tribes in my life, but I was always very frightened by the idea of taking someone's pain into my body.

The third life is the most mundane, as far as trauma goes, and yet it made me the most frightened and furious when I heard about it.  In this life, I am a wealthy woman who has been arranged to be married. I am excited because it is my best friend, but without my knowledge he has changed his mind and committed himself to someone else.  I end up marrying the man who always loved me but I never gave the time of day.  He loved me deeply and I loved him to the best of my abilities, but my heart still belonged to this schmuck that married someone else (apparently he had a "terrible marriage" and I felt vindicated by that?).

The part that filled my face with heat and rage was when she said that this man I wanted to marry slapped me in public. Apparently that was a very bad thing in the Hindu culture (and still is, I'm sure).

She said in this life that I don't love my husband with all of my heart(!) and I am distracted by another man who does not love me in the same way.  Now this was definitely true of past relationships, to be sure, but I love my husband with all my heart.  My head turns when I see a cute guy on the street, and I have little crushes on friends, but I love my husband far beyond a silly crush. 

The last life was apparently "hiding" from us.  It did not want to be seen or acknowledged. At this point, she had gone twice as long as any of the other psychics and the nice man who seated me came up and touched her shoulder and told her it was time to stop. She said she would "send me a dream" about this life. I'm not sure if I received it, but I did dream of a dynamic little baby last night.

In this life, she told me quickly, I was incredibly psychic and clairvoyant. I was so sensitive in fact, that I couldn't function very well in real life and died very early. This life was very, very frightened to be seen and that desire to "not be seen" is very prevalent in my current life.  I do resonate with that a bit.  I have known that I have had deep clairvoyant gifts and I have been very frightened to use them because of how overwhelming it is to feel them.

I remember being a little kid in the grocery store line and I stared at the man in front of us, because I was bored.  I started to feel this overwhelming sense of despair, like I wanted to kill myself or kill my feelings quickly (the guy was buying mass quantities of booze).  I was only about six years old, so those feelings were pretty foreign to me.  He turned around and looked at me and it felt like I had been slapped across the face.  I started crying and my Mom couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

She used to say that I was so sensitive that I was "disabled."  So I blocked it out. 

Perhaps it is time to explore those gifts again...who knows?

And yes, I do take this all with a huge grain of salt.  I really look at it all as a dream.  It could all be true, or not, but it is still interesting to think about!

After she described each past life to me, she "cleared" it.  Apparently these past lives can be cleared energetically and by the way we live our life and you need both to clean it away.  I think this might be what karma is. She said it was easy to clear them, except for that sneaky clairvoyant at the end.  I guess I have more work to do with her!

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