Thursday, May 5, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 90

Within Me, Without Me

This is Day 90 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

As I sit with my grief, I can almost see another version of myself looking back at me. She is somewhere further along, years in the future. She is looking back at me with such compassion in her eyes. She is telling me to hang on. She is telling me I will find love again. She is telling me that I become even stronger and more powerful as this grief moves through me. 

I try to believe her.

___________________________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:


And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 89

Tough Grieving Mermaid
This is Day 89 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today I am a tough mermaid. My grief slithers around my body like seaweed. The sharks fear me. 

I am the Queen of Sorrow. I am the High Priestess of the Ocean of Tears. I am the starfish that lost all her limbs and is slowly growing them back.

The kelp hides me from the predators that find me on online dating sites and want to send me pictures of their penises. The sand grinds into my vagina to make the sweetest pearls. The salt of my tears drips off my breasts and feeds all the tiny fishes that swim through my mind. 

I have lost my merman. I have lost my Neptune. I must carry my own trident now. Poseidon is gone and now my own temper causes the tidal waves that destroy your village. I stand on the conch shell and scream your name, but you can't hear me because you are gone. I slice at my wrists with the clam shells that once lined our happy home. I let the blood drip down my limbs and the sea horses come to feed.

Today I am a tough mermaid, swirling in my grief.

___________________________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:


And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 88

Vast Spaces
This is Day 88 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

How do I contain the vastness of my soul? Should it be contained? There is so much inside me and yet I rarely have a connection to it, these days. Today I was reminded of a creative project I played a small role in, before my husband passed away. 

My improvisational moment is now part of an audio tour at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I'm told it's one of the favorites of the staff there.

Seeing this piece resurface reminds me of who I used to be, before this grief. I was someone who could jump in and do fun collaborative projects. I valued my thoughts and ideas enough to let someone record them. I knew my ideas were valuable.

I have lost connection to that. Why? Why does grief make me hate myself so much? Why does it make me think I am stupid and my ideas are worthless? 

Or maybe I have always felt that way, and through the rosy lens of time passing, I can pretend that I wasn't, before my husband's death.

Maybe this Grief Project is helping me find the value of my thoughts and feelings again. Maybe this project is even helping me see the value of my grief.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:


And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Monday, May 2, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 87

Angel Wings

This is Day 87 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

There are only my hands to hold me. I am alone. I come home to an empty house. I go to sleep alone, every night. I hold my precious soul, like the little wisp of a feather it is. I pray I don't crush it.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:


And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 86

Unicorn Party Machine (photo by Kim Corbin)

This is Day 86 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Yesterday I yearned for a Beltane Bonfire and my friend Kim came through and invited me out to her campsite in Guerneville. She also let me ride her Unicorn and fed me yummy food. I am grateful. I am thankful. It's so rare to have friends that not only are willing, but also able to make last minute plans, follow the flow and create moments where none existed before. I need more friends in my life like that. I also know that I have to be open to the same thing, if I want to attract more of that kind of energy into my life. I'm working on it. It's hard to be open to spontaneous moments, when past sudden moments ended in death of your beloved. But sudden moments also lead to magical unicorn riding under the redwoods.

_____________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:


And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.