Tuesday, July 26, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 172

Seeing Me, Seeing You

This is Day 172 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

My birthday weekend has ended. I have made another circuit around the sun. I have arrived at 44. I have now lived 4 years longer than my husband and that number will grow with each passing year. How did I get here? How did I get to this place of being alone again? My heart aches for his touch, his kisses, his big hand holding mine. Even though he drove me crazy sometimes, he also had a way of completely calming me down — something I am trying to do on my own now. When I have so much worry and anxiety and fear, about the future of my life and the future of our world, I miss his calming presence even more.

How do I make it another year without him? How do I grow old without him? What is the point of it all, anyway?

_________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:


Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Monday, July 25, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 171

Picnic Giggles [original photo by Mark Rosenberg]

This is Day 171 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Yesterday, my friend Lianne put together a birthday picnic for me with a few of our friends from college. It was amazing to sit and watch these folks I have known for over 20 years, talking and playing with their quickly-growing-up kids and just being kind of amazed that so much time has passed and yet we are all still such good friends.

I laughed a lot and it felt so good to just be surrounded with love and let go of the worry and the fear and the anxiety and the sorrow for an afternoon. I am so grateful for the amazing love and support I have in my life.

_________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:


Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 170

Surprise Roses on My Birthday

This is Day 170 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

When I returned home from seeing Ghostbusters (Go see it! Support women being funny!), I found some gorgeous, surprise roses on my porch. I have been feeling so much love and gratitude for the outpouring of messages and calls on my birthday. I don't think I've gotten this many phone calls since before the Internet was invented.

I am taking deep breaths and receiving each and every message as fully and completely as I can. I want to really understand and remember the amount of love I have in my life, even though my true love is gone. Love exists in so many forms, and even though my heart is broken, there is still room to receive love from so many other amazing people. I am living in the red, pulsing brilliance of these roses and receiving the myriad ways that love still exists in my life.

_________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:


Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.


Saturday, July 23, 2016

6 Months of Grief of Project: Day 169

44 Years

This is Day 169 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today is my 44th Birthday. I am celebrating in quiet, sweet ways, with special people in my life. I miss my husband's presence with a dull ache, that colors every single part of today. But through the ache there is joy and laughter and glimmers of peacefulness.

_________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:


Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Friday, July 22, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 168

Celebration!

This is Day 168 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Two weeks after my birthday is the one-year anniversary of my husband's sudden death. This is a delicate, emotional, strange time for me.

I was completely surprised by birthday gluten-free cupcakes from a couple of my co-workers today. I don't know if they realize how much it meant to me to be noticed and celebrated in this way. I have been "the new kid" at work for three months now, and this week is the first time I have felt like I actually "belong" — that I am part of this organization, and can hold my own, instead of having to ask everyone a million questions and ask for help with so many of my tasks.

After work, another co-worker took me out for margaritas and nachos and we ran into a friend of hers. This woman recognized a beauty and joy in me that I have not felt myself for a long time and when she said goodbye, she said "welcome to the family."

I don't know exactly what she meant by that, and yet I kind of do. I am returning to something. I am joining something. I am being welcomed into something.

_________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:


Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.