Wednesday, May 25, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 110

Dinosaur Lover

This is Day 110 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

My husband loved costumes and would often bring several costume changes to parties and events. I have so many of his costumes and sometimes I haul them out and put them on. I tried taking some photos of myself in them, but it felt too vulnerable to share today, so here is my love, rocking his dinosaur costume. I miss him so much.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 109

Mermaid Rings

This is Day 109 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

My hair is the longest it's been in a long time. It's so long that you can see the strata of my life. Like the rings of a tree, my hair tells a story. At the end are the bleached out leftovers of a happy life, where I had pink, purple and green hair and a husband who was alive. Moving further up, things get dark when my husband died and I stopped playing around with fun things like hair dye. Now at my temples and hair line are new slivery grey hairs, showing my grief and aging from losing my husband so suddenly.

My hair is showing my transition of life.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Monday, May 23, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 108

I Sleep Alone. I Share My Bed with No One

This is Day 108 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

I sleep alone now. My bed is empty. The giant man that took up so much space in my bed and my heart is a box of dust. It hurts so much tonight. It hurts every night.

___________________________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 107

How Does This Work, Again?

This is Day 107 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Navigating the online dating world, when you have been married for 10 years is a strange trip. When I first met my husband, there were text-only forums online where you could chat with people and hope there was some sort of physical attraction when you actually met them in-person.

Nowadays, it's all about images and deciding in a split second whether or not you find someone attractive. Men seem to think that sending pictures of their man parts without asking first is a normal thing to do. Younger men contact me constantly, wanting some kind of "older woman/MILF" experience (I'm only 43!). It is rare to get messages with complete sentences, let alone interesting ones.

So why am I even bothering being on online dating sites? It's interesting. It's entertaining. It's distracting. I've had some fascinating conversations about music, gluten-free baking and where the best secret hot springs are. It is nice to be told how beautiful I am over and over again, even if sometimes it is just a hustle. I'm planning on making some art around the strange messages and conversations I have experienced. 

I'm fascinated by the women I know who will meet just about anyone they connect with online, including having one night stands with them. There is a certain kind of power in those life choices. I wonder if I will ever feel strong and brave enough to make a choice like that. Currently, I am sticking to old flames who are familiar and know me really well (not to mention, also knew my late husband). These relationships also have their complications, but they are familiar ones that I know how to navigate. 

One thing I am sure of, is that my late husband would definitely want me to get out into the world, have new experiences, meet new people and enjoy myself. He would want me to have new adventures and I know if he were here, and I asked, "should I go on a date with this guy?" He would almost always say, "sure, why not?"

I wish he were here, beside me looking at all these weird messages I get, laughing with me. Maybe he is.

___________________________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 106

Books, Books, Books

This is Day 106 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

I like working for a book publishing company. I'm surrounded by people who read and are passionate about the written word. Also, we focus on "books that change lives," which is probably my most favorite sort of book. And because everyone here focuses on publishing books that transform, inevitably everyone I work with has a deeper understanding of their own life transformations, as well as a deeper consciousness about the world.

This deeper understanding has held a container for me in my deep grief. There are times when my heart is so broken that I am sobbing at my desk and instead of being met with fear, confusion, or uncomfortable feelings, I have only been witnessed, held and given space to grieve. I have never felt this kind of clean, unconditional support in a workplace before and I am so thankful. Of course, thanks to my inner Eastern European work horse, whom I have named Gerta, I also can still get all my work done, even while exhausted and deeply in grief.

I'm thankful that I get to go to this place every work day. I am thankful for my friend Kim making this happen, and my husband for leading me to her.

___________________________________________

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.