Surviving Year Two: Week 51

Ritual Seed Sprouts: Week 11

This is Week 51 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here.

There is only one more week of this project. In one week, my husband will have been dead for two years. This number shocks me on many levels. On the one hand, it is stunning that I haven't seen his face or heard his laugh in two whole years. On the other hand, I've changed so much since he passed away, that two years seems like a very short time. It is strange to feel both these feelings at once.

Today's image celebrates the seeds that were planted during my Healing Grief - Flowering Ritual. These ritual sprouts are now almost as tall as I am. I love having this living presence, reminding me that even in my darkest moments, I am growing and reaching for the light.  There is a heaviness in my body, but it's not a bad or depressed heaviness — more like a deep grounding in the present. This is me. I am here. I feel this way. My roots stretch down to the depths of the earth. My life experiences resonate like vibrating harp strings through my ancestral history. I have always been here before.

I had a long talk with a friend yesterday about the "afterlife." I was telling him how jealous I was of the widows I have met who are Christians and are so sure that their dead husbands are happy and in heaven, enjoying ambrosia salad and foot rubs. I want to know that for my husband, but that is not my belief. I actually don't know where he is, or if any part of his soul even exists anymore. And I'm not sure I want to know. It almost feels better to me to stay open to all the possibilities. 

Thank you for witnessing me. See you next week.