Sunday, March 3, 2013

Be Your Own Beloved #16

Every day, I am taking a self-portrait in conjunction with Vivienne McMaster's Be Your Own Beloved e-course.

I Am a Part of a Bigger Story

The next assignment in this course asked us to capture a photo in which we show how we are part of a bigger story. This completely froze me. Through a lot of processing and thinking and feeling, I came to realize that this is THE question for me. What is the bigger story and how do I fit into it? I even took the question to my therapist, since it was completely stopping me from continuing with this self-portrait process and she laughed and laughed. "Only you would turn a sweet, simple art assignment into an existential crisis!" She and I have a great relationship and one of the reasons is that she can give me this kind of tough love and we can laugh through it.

And yet I still struggled with "my answer" for a few more days. Then, last night, my husband and I went out to dinner and we talked for hours about where are in our lives and the current challenges we are facing. My husband remarked, as he often does, about how I can be such a wonderful light when everything seems really dark and then it hit me! THAT is my role in "the bigger story". I have always been shining my light into the darkest places, in both my own psyche as well as others. I try to live a life of empowerment and delight but I am not afraid of the darkest corners. I know, in fact, that the darkest places are where the best treasures hide.

Playing with filters and the heart landed perfectly on my face!

So as we took a walk after our meal, I looked around for a dark corner that had one, beaming cast of light. I found it almost immediately in front of an old, abandoned carpet factory. My husband took a few shots of me and I had my "answer" to this day's question.

I like how I look a bit hesitant (in the first picture), yet willing to search and seek and be present. And I love how Vivienne's daily prompts are taking me on such a wonderful, intense, powerful journey! I am committed to finishing all 28 portraits of this project, and I'm giving myself as much time as I need to do so. That feels so empowering and essential.

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