6 Months of Grief Project: Day 41

We will never truly know how deeply all our circles connect

This is Day 41 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Right before I left on my trip to Big Sur, I heard about the passing of a truly magical, special human being - Sunny Balzano. I met Sunny back in the late 90's, through my best friend Johanna. I can still remember her delight in taking me on an adventure to the wilds of Red Hook, to time travel in a speakeasy honky tonk, full of broken toys and rusty flowers. Amidst all the chaos was the shining bright spirit of Sunny, who held my hand and told me I was "just like an angel." I don't doubt that he told every pretty lady that, but I also think he truly meant it. He just beamed love, wherever he went.

I spent many a drunken evening at Sunny's Red Hook and whenever I found myself in New York on a Friday I would never miss going out to sit in the lopsided booths and smile and laugh with Sunny. He told the best stories and he beamed such a deep, powerful love in every moment. I aspire to be like Sunny, in my own way. To celebrate the strange and crooked. To create creative, collaborative spaces where art and connection can be made. To always have friends of every generation and share stories and drinks with them, whenever possible.

Sunny lived to be 81-years-old, which considering how much he drank and smoked, is quite a feat. My grief at his loss is different than the sudden loss of my husband. My husband was taken far too early, with so much left to do and so many more people to inspire and collaborate with. My grief around the loss of my husband is dark and sticky and painful. My grief for Sunny is different. This is the kind of grief of knowing a dear soul has left the earth, but that he most definitely accomplished what he was put on this earth for - to unconditionally love everyone who stepped foot into his bar, and beyond. I don't know if he knew how much the ripples of his love and kindness went. None of us really do know how deeply all our circles connect, but today's simple, but colorful picture is for him. Rest in Power, Sunny. I love you.

PLEASE NOTE: I'm currently in Big Sur, and the Internet there is spotty at best, so my future posts may be sporadic. If this happens, please know that I'm okay and will be back soon. I will of course, still be making an image a day, as part of this practice.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and (hopefully) see you tomorrow.