Saturday, April 23, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 78

Antlered through Grief

This is Day 78 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today's photo is an old picture of my husband, playing around with the antlers he loved to collect, and a recent photo of me after his death, playing around with an antler that has lost its mate. I had the startling realization today that my husband does not know what I am like in deep grief. He has witnessed me lose people, but no one as close and important as him. He is not here to see me, and he was one of a handful of people in my life who could truly see me and witness me, without wanting to change me, or "make things better." He was so good at letting me feel my feelings and loving me no matter what and I miss him so much.

I'm so tired. I'm so sad. I just want my husband back. I don't want to keep living my strange, new life without him. I don't want to feel sorrow anymore. I don't want to lose anyone else. I'm so scared of the next time my heart breaks, because it feels as fragile as glass. Many say that the grief process makes you stronger. I do not feel strong. I feel the weakest I have ever felt. I feel frozen in an ice chamber of grief, with sharp needles stabbing the muscles of my heart. Every single day is a struggle to get up, to shower, to get dressed, to feed myself, to lift weights, to work, to clean the house. I don't know how I am doing it.


I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

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