|Living through the Holidays|
This is Week 20 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here.
Today is Christmas Eve. I have an entire week of no work stretched out before me. I am scrambling to plan something to do every single day, so I don't fall into the deep well of sorrow, while still connecting deeply to the truth that I need a lot of alone time to process my grief. My late husband and I had several beloved traditions for the holidays. We always had a Winter Solstice Bonfire. We made tamales (sweet & savory) and gifted them to friends. We would have an ornament crafting party, where the goal was to make the strangest Christmas ornament possible. We would cook up and eat a lot of crab. We would run away to Desert Hot Springs for Christmas and soak in the healing waters of the high desert.
Just as I have been trying to reconnect with myself, now that I am a single widow with no partner, I have been trying to re-discover my own holiday traditions. What do I want to do with my holiday celebrations? So far, ornament crafting, hot water and eating crab have played a role, but so has quiet contemplation, filling the house with candles, and drawing in my journal.
I am moving slowly, at the pace of a snail. I am collecting the diamonds I leave in my little snail trail. I am breathing. I am finding new ways to love myself. I am becoming my own beloved in this new year of new beginnings and old endings.
Thank you for witnessing me. See you next week.