|The Joy in the Grief|
This is Week 36 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here.
I've been doing a lot of healing work around FEELING all my feelings, without judgment and without stories. I find, when I can connect to the truest, deepest feelings coming through my heart and body, it almost doesn't matter if it is joy, grief, fear or anger. It's all powerful and important and essential to feel.
I remember during the first month my husband died, so many of my friends reached out to me with their own stories of loss and grief. One friend gave me the very sage advice to not let anyone speed up my grief process. He told me about when his father suddenly died and his friends were trying to tell him that "everything happens for a reason" and he should just "let his father go." He finally got really angry and said, "Just let me enjoy my father's death!" When I tell this story, people often either get it, or they don't. I get it, now more than ever. I want to deeply feel all my feelings, including my grief around the loss of my beloved husband. There is a richness and depth in true feelings — something that can actually really be relished and enjoyed, as opposed to siphoning off the feeling because it seems too scary or threatening to feel.
Honestly, it's hard to write and talk about, because it is so body and heart-centered. It is not in the realm of the intellect or the mind. I think a similar modality might be Eckhart Tolle's concept of The Power of Now. Be here now. Feel everything. Don't be afraid. We are held and loved in every moment, even the painful and scary ones.