Another intense day with this project! Today, Vivienne asked us to talk to our Gremlins and transform the negative voices into positive ones. I sat with this theme for most of the day, feeling so scared of talking to the darker parts of myself. I have completely committed to a path of healing and transformation, but sometimes it's so hard to look at my darkest places in the eye! Finally, I was able to discourse with the fierce critic in my head, who loves to shut me down and make me feel bad about myself.
I've talked to this part of myself many times. Sometimes she is a harsh taskmaster, sometimes she is a scared little girl, sometimes she is a stern mother, sometimes he is an abandoning father. I took the last sheet of some very precious stationary I had been saving, and wrote a letter to "the Darkness" (which seems to sum up all the voices, including my deep self-hatred and depression). I wrote with my favorite bright pink permanent pen and I thanked the voices for protecting me, but now it's time for them to step aside. I'm in control and I'll make the choices now.
|Pink Words Burn|
And then I went outside and burned the letter up. Fire is one of the simplest and most powerful rituals we have access to. This was the first time that I could not carefully control how my self-portrait came out. I took as many pictures as I could with the burning page in my hand until it was gone. I assumed that I didn't capture any "great shots," but lo and behold, I caught one moment that took my breath away. I even forgot to take my glasses off, and yet the glasses make the photo even more amazing!
Goodbye Darkness, Self-Hate and Depression. You have no power over me anymore. Goodbye.