|Widow Weightlifter - to see a video of me lifting this weight, check out my Instagram.|
This is Day 28 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.
I'm a Fat Strong Lady and have been doing Olympic-style weightlifting and powerlifting for over 8 years at the awesome Myles Ahead Weightlifting gym, here in Northern California. During my grief journey I have always made sure to get to the gym and lift no matter what... except for this past week. This past week, the depression, anxiety and insomnia of my grief hit me like a 10 ton truck and I could not get out of bed, let alone get to the gym to lift. This made me feel like I had truly given up and that all was lost. I have often said during this journey, that the day I don't get to the gym is the day I have truly given up, and last week it felt like I had truly given up.
When I don't work out, my body feels terrible. But I have to forgive myself and move on. And move on I did, getting all three of my workouts in this week. The weights aren't as heavy as they normally are, but that's okay. I saw my fellow weightlifters, admired some gorgeous beards, and laughed a lot. All of these experiences are very good for my mind, body and soul.
I also cried a little bit, as I often do in the gym. My husband was a StrongMan competitor and powerlifter, not to mention that his business was right next door to our gym. I can't help but feel him every moment that I am lifting. Sometimes this makes me break down in tears, but thankfully, I have an awesome coach, who makes space for my sorrow and I have amazing teammates who are not afraid of my tears.
How are you moving your body through your grief?
I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:
Art with Grief:
- Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
- The poetry of John O’Donohue
Living with Grief Resources:
- Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
- They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
- A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
- The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine
- 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine
Thank you, and see you tomorrow.