6 Months of Grief Project: Day 27

A Couple of Happy Turkeys in front of the Courthouse

This is Day 27 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today was a big day in my Bureaucratic Widow Journey. My husband had a serious problem with money. So much so, that he spent years hiding what would become over $70,000 worth of debt from me. Fortunately, this fact came out a few months before he died and we were able to find some kind of peace around it. It almost split us up. It almost ended our marriage. But it didn't - his death ended our marriage and I am so grateful that we found a place of love and connection in our union before he suddenly passed away. And because my husband and I were married and lived in California, his entire debit fell on my shoulders to pay. 

There was only one choice for me, and that was to file for bankruptcy. Now if you know me, you know I am a stickler for paying on time. I hate being in debt. I hate having to pay any interest on a credit card. I always pay my bills on time. So for me to have to file for bankruptcy, felt like such an injustice, such an outrage, such a heartbreaking blow at a time when my heart was already broken.

Happy Turkeys

So I hired a lawyer, gathered up the help of my friends and started that process. After many, many, many months of lawyer meetings, paperwork gathering, and profit & loss statements, I had my court date and my bankruptcy was approved. Today is that very day and these photos were taken by one of my Bureaucracy Angel Helpers, Lianne, in front of the courthouse after my hearing. As Lianne and I tumbled outside, laughing and smiling, the security guards were so confused by our joy. How could anyone be happy to file for bankruptcy? And while it is true, my credit will be quite terrible for some time, that awful, huge debt that almost killed our marriage is gone. Those collection agents now have to leave me alone. I now have a clean slate, financially and can rebuild my credit and my life. 

As an added comedic moment, Lianne and I couldn't stop laughing at the turkeys displaying all their sexy plumage and admiring themselves in the reflective windows of the courthouse. What a strange and beautiful paradox, to have these horny turkeys, strutting their best plumage as human beings inside plead their sorrowful cases of loss and heartbreak. But in this captured moment, we are all happy turkeys, because this chapter(!) can finally be closed and I can move on.

It's amazing to me how much my life has changed in these past 8 months. From happily married to bankrupt widow. This is a portrait of me today, and oddly enough, the first in this series in which I am smiling. This is the first day of the rest of my life, and for a brief moment, I have found peace and respite from the heaviness of all I have yet still to do and accomplish.

I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.