6 Months of Grief Project: Day 31

7 Months Gone

This is Day 31 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

Today marks the 7 month anniversary of my husband's sudden passing. These month-marks seem to hit me really hard - each one a reminder of how much further he is gone. I'm so scared I will forget what he feels like, holding me in his arms. I'm so scared I will forget what his kisses felt like. I don't want to forget any of the details of our time together, good and bad.

I need to make sure that the next month anniversary, I am with someone and not alone. I think I want to be tough and strong and get through it on my own, but it's clear that these anniversaries really shred my heart apart and make me feel truly and utterly alone. I want to give myself permission to ask for help through these hard days.

I feel really embarrassed and freaked out by today's picture. I've posted lots of different versions of my grief, but not one where I am mid-sobbing. I cry every day, often in front of other people, but documenting my tears for the Internet world to see feels extremely vulnerable. But this is a very real part of my life and grief and it needs to be documented in this project. The altar in the back are big wooden pieces left over from my husband's memorial, which now stand against the wall on his side of the bed.

A lot of widows have been reaching out to me, here on the blog, as well as on Facebook and Twitter and I wanted to say here how grateful I am to know you are all witnessing my journey and your willingness to share stories of your own grief. It helps me so much, and I am glad that my project is helping some of you too. We are a powerful tribe.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong

• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?

• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow

• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.