6 Months of Grief Project: Day 70

First Dates

This is Day 70 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

13 years ago today I went out on a date with a weird, wonderful, wild bear of a man I met a few weeks before. It was and still is, the best date I have ever had. I didn't know it at the time, but I started falling in love with him that very first night, eating Indian food, walking through the dunes of Ocean Beach and giggling at the antics of the crows that followed us wherever we walked. A month later he proposed to me and two years later we were married.

Now he is dead. Today's Grief Image started with an old photo that I then built layer upon layer upon layer on. The original picture is us at the top of the Empire State Building. It was my husband's first time visiting New York City and as he was falling in love with me, he was also falling in love with that city. His eyes are beaming the joy he is feeling on this trip - his love of adventure, his love of new experiences and his love for me.

There are certain photos that I stare at, and pretend he is still alive, looking back at me. I talk to these photos. I cry and stare into the eyes of these photos. I try and remember what it was like to be looked at this way by him - to feel this much love beaming into my body. When I realized today's anniversary, I burst into tears. I had no idea I would have such a short amount of time with my soul mate. I can't believe he's gone.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Widowed Village
• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing

• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief

• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine

• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times

• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.