Saturday, July 30, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 176


This is Day 176 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

I have been living with this grief for long enough now, that it has worn deep grooves into my heart. It has woven itself into my DNA, so that I barely remember what it feels to be truly carefree and joyful. I have many moments of laughter and distraction, thanks to my amazingly supportive friends — but those moments are always tainted by the grief that flows underneath every waking moment of my life.

The other night, I was driving home very late. It was one of those summer nights that is like liquid velvet. I was sunburned and exhausted and a song came on and for one brief moment, I was 16 again, driving around on a summer night, without a care in the world. My whole life was in front of me and I was actually optimistic about the possibilities of the future. That feeling came crashing down quickly, as I remembered that I am NOT 16, but a 44-year-old widow, and there is nothing to look forward to, except more grief, more anxiety, more suicidal thoughts, more loneliness, and more exhaustion.

I want to remember what it is like to be free of this pain. I want to feel truly happy and hopeful again. Is that even possible? Or is this who I am now?


I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

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