Sunday, July 31, 2016

6 Months of Grief Project: Day 177

Empty Heart, Empty Soul

This is Day 177 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

In one week, this project will be over. When I started this project, a big part of me thought I would not finish it. "There's no way I can do this for 184 days." But, barring something really major, I'm going to finish this project. Then what?

The grief from the one-year anniversary of his death is already hitting me like a freight train. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I am so exhausted. I cry all the time. Knowing that he has been gone for an entire year feels unfathomable, and yet the proof is right here in this project. This project began as a way to process my grief and bring what felt dark and untouchable, into the light. It has definitely done that, and it is also a marker of time. Every time I add one more day and watch that number increase, I can't help but think about how he is one more day further away from me.

I cradle his image in my heart. I imagine his kisses on my eyelids. I hug the pillow and pretend it is him. The ache of my loneliness feels like a hollowing out of my body. My heart is empty. My soul is empty. I watch other people living their lives and I wonder how they do it. How am I doing it? I feel like a little marionette, awkwardly walking around, going through the motions, pretending to be a real, human woman. But I'm just an empty shell.


I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Living with Grief Resources:

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my InstagramTwitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

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