Surviving Year Two: Week 6

Bauhaus Moon Goddess

This is Week 6 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here.

Last night I went to my friend's Bauhaus-themed, 50th Birthday Party. It was a magical evening of amazing costumes, a lamplit garden, good friends and giggles. I had lots of ideas for costumes, but ended up needing to wear my Moon Priestess Self on the outside, for all to see.

I met many people last night, including a person who reads this blog. She said she felt "star-struck" by meeting me. I'm always stunned when I find out people read this blog and even more amazed when they like it. Blogging these days is like shouting down a long, dark well — it's startling when a voice calls back to you, from the depths. It was a wonderful reminder that this part of my life is precious. I need to keep doing this project and it's extra sweet and magical to meet new friends who appreciate my words and images. Thank you to all of you reading this right now. I'm so glad you are here.

I also sat by the fire with a friend who has recently lost his mother and is living with his grief. We cried and held each other as we talked about strategies to survive. Being with my brothers and sisters in grief is so healing and important for me. We live in the depths and while we are all hurting so deeply, we can keep each other afloat because we are surviving together. Those that truly understand this level of grief can really see me in a way that others cannot — just as I can bear deep witness to them — and that connection is so powerful and so healing for me.

Testing Out Googly Eye Gluing Techniques with my Feline Assistant

Working on my costume ideas this week, made me think of my husband so much. He loved crafting costumes and he always loved collaborating with me on new ideas and new concepts. As my friend whose birthday it was said, "imagine what Justin would have made for this night!" and it's true, he would have crafted something incredible for his 6'9" frame to wear. It felt so lonely, crafting without him, but I was also able to slip into that solo, spiritual crafting space that I so coveted when he was alive. I think my final costume choice reflects that space. I really need my priestess energy right now. The Moon Goddesses know deeply of death, of widowhood, of endings. They also know that the Moon is reborn every lunar cycle — life and death, forever in a dance with each other.

I am a Solo Priestess now. My Fellow Magic Priest has transformed into energy, while I am left on this earth to continue on. Last night, I felt him flitting around the lit lanterns in the garden. I felt his excitement at someone's elaborate and beautiful costume, imagining him asking lots of questions about how they made it, taking mental notes so that he could go home and try it himself. I felt him laughing at my joy — happy that I made it out of the house and am surrounded by friends.

I am grateful for nights like these. I hope there are many more to come.

Thank you for witnessing me. See you next week.