6 Months of Grief Project: Day 97

The Path

This is Day 97 of my #6MonthsOfGrief Project. To learn more about this practice, feel free to visit Day One, where I explain this project in more detail.

When I started this project, I thought I was going to be drawing one image a day. That proved to be far too time-consuming and difficult, so I started sharing self-portraits or "grief selfies," as they have been called.

Lately, when I hold the camera in my hand to take a self-portrait, I cringe. I don't want to be documented right now. So I am starting to share images of my late husband instead. When I started this project, the feeling was the exact opposite - I couldn't bear looking at old photos of my husband, while taking self-portraits was very soothing and nourishing. I think it's interesting that my grief process has shifted this way. 

I don't understand it, but I am listening and following my intuition.

This photo was taken on one of our trips to Portland, Oregon. I remember being struck by the canopied path, leading to new adventures. I paused and told my husband that I had to take a photo of this beautiful moment. The look on his face is a familiar one - amusement, tolerance, a little bit of impatience, and deep unconditional love. Will anyone ever look at me like that again? He was my partner, my best friend, my lover, my teammate, my giant, my bearded beauty. 

I want to crawl inside this photo and hug him and tell him I love him.

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I am very aware that this project can bring up a lot around yours or other's grief and loss, I will always follow every post with some online grief support resources that have helped me. Please feel free to let me know of online support that you have found healing in your grief, as well:

Art with Grief:

• Filmmaker Gemma Green Hope made a short animation in memory of her grandmother 
• Photographer [Sarah Treanor] Takes Moving Self-Portraits to Cope with Her Fiance's Death by Jillian Wong
• When the Fall Comes, a film about Grief by Adriana Marchione
• Self-Portraits: Expressing Emotion Through Art on What's Your Grief?
• The Hard Romance of Grief by Mark Liebenow
• The poetry of John O’Donohue

Resources for Widows:

• Widowed Village
• Camp Widow

• Soaring Spirits International

Living with Grief Resources:

• Modern Loss's excellent resource list
• The writings of Tim Lawrence
• The Rules of Grief are for Other People by Shawn Doyle on The Good Men Project
• Grief Bibliography on Grief Healing
• Teresa “TL” Bruce's What to Say When Someone Dies
• They Brought Cookies: For A New Widow, Empathy Eases Death's Pain by Ann Finkbeiner on NPR
• A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
• Megan Devine’s Refuge in Grief
• The Geography of Sorrow: Francis Weller on Navigating Our Loses, interviewed by Tim McKee in Sun Magazine
• How to Be a Friend in Deed by Bruce Feiler in the New York Times
• 12 Things to Know About the First Year of Grieving Someone You Can’t Live Without by Laurie Costanza in Elephant Magazine

And remember, I am sharing this project on a variety of platforms, including my Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook feeds, as well as my Pinterest page on Grief. I use the hashtag #6MonthsOfGrief, so it can easily be found on any platform. Please share this project with anyone you think might need it.

Thank you, and see you tomorrow.