Surviving Year Two: Week 45

Chopped

This is Week 45 of my Surviving Year Two Grief Project. Details about all my Grief Projects, as well as Grief Resources can be found here. 

Shortly after my husband died, my hair stylist of almost two decades moved away. For that first year, I didn't get my hair cut at all. This year, I have been trying out new stylists without much luck. Today I saw someone new and she ended up talking so much that she just kind of kept chopping and chopping and chopping until over half my hair was gone.

At first I was filled with panic, because the old bleached ends that literally showed, like rings on a tree, when my husband was still alive are now gone. After getting my hair chopped, I sat in my hot car and cried and cried and cried. Then I went on with my day, doing all my weekend errands so I can hide out from the even hotter day tomorrow.

As I went grocery shopping and to the library and to the hardware store, I felt how light my hair felt. My neck wasn't sweating quite as much and I wasn't constantly pulling strands of long itchy hair out of my face.

It feels like a new beginning, as I face down my upcoming 45th birthday and the two year anniversary of my husband's death. It feels like part of the opening and flowering I am trying to welcome in, even though it is also painful and scary. What comes next?

Thanks for witnessing me. See you next week.